


and if you close your eyes, it's almost like nothing’s changed at all

by izabellwit



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Dreams vs. Reality, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Kris and the no-good-very-bad-day, POV Third Person, References to Undertale Genocide Route, Speculation, kind of?, or: Kris on the Darkner World, via SOUL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 09:51:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19721263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izabellwit/pseuds/izabellwit
Summary: Kris in the Dark World: friends, heroics, and the lingering sense of not quite being yourself.





	and if you close your eyes, it's almost like nothing’s changed at all

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this drabble like two days after deltarune came out and then LEFT IT IN MY DRAFTS TO ROT so anyways it's finally seeing the light of day after like. literally ages. 
> 
> I find myself writing deltarune/undertale fic whenever I hit a roadblock in my multi-chap stories so... more of these will probably be coming soon.

Kris wakes up choking on dust. 

It’s in their mouth, up their nose, congealing in their throat like a thick and ugly paste. Kris pushes themself up with one arm, weak and shaking and coughing so hard they almost fall over again. They spit and splutter out the taste, nearly hacking up half a lung before they realize just _what_ exactly they’re breathing in and go shock-still from horror. This time when their breath catches, it isn’t on dust, but on the implication. 

For an instant, for one terrible moment, Kris thinks: _I killed them._

Then their vision clears, and their mind catches up, logic overriding that instinctual fear. This isn’t monster dust; it tastes too much like dirt. And when Kris rubs their eyes and properly looks around, they realize that’s because it _is_ dirt. They’re lying face-down on the ground. 

_The ground?_ Kris thinks then, because—weren’t they just at school? They’d come late, and gone to the closet with Susie to get chalk, and then…

They’d fallen down.

Kris sits up straight then, staring up at their new surroundings. It is like—it is like nothing they’ve ever seen and yet oddly familiar all at once. They’re in a strange blue-lit place, dark sky above and empty space all around them, even the earth turned barren and cold. Like standing on a cliff over the sea, except instead of ocean all Kris can see over those sharp drops is a void.

They still, their shoulders stiff. This time, they don’t breathe at all. The taste of dust, thick and pasty, is heavy on their tongue. At long last Kris finally notices all the other changes—like how their skin is now a burning blue, and they’re wearing different clothes—armor?—and hey, why’s this sword here—

This how Kris is introduced to the Darkner world: alone, disoriented, and terrified out of their mind. They probably should have taken it as a sign.

After the initial panic, though, the world slowly slots into place again. Strangely, nonsensically—but still into place. There are paths to walk and places to go, even if the places in question are bizarre and warped. This is not their world, this is not the closet; poor Alphys probably isn’t going to get that chalk she needs for awhile yet. Oh, well. That’s what she gets for putting Kris in supervision of literally anyone, but most especially Susie. 

Things aren’t all bad, of course. There’s Ralsei, and kind of Susie, and even Lancer, who, for an “evil bad guy,” is actually kind of adorable in a hilarious little-kid way. Even the blue skin is something Kris is getting used too, mostly because—and they only find this out when they see their reflection, almost a whole day and sixteen different battles later—the blue skin/armor combo outfit actually makes them look pretty cool. Like a knight, or the hero Ralsei says they are. A blue-and-pink patterned hero straight of a mosaic painting, if one ignored Kris’s bizarrely red eyes.

(Their eyes, now—that’s a different story. They aren’t sure how to feel about their eyes. The red makes Kris think of old nightmares, of yellow flowers and their reflection in the mirror, of dust on their tongue, under their fingernails, in their eyes. It makes them think of birdcages and of the weight of a knife in their hand— and then Kris very carefully stops thinking.)

But even if things in the Dark World aren’t all bad, that doesn’t mean it’s all okay. The taste of dust lingers thick and heavy on Kris’s tongue and the weight of the SOUL pulling them around like a puppet on strings chafes against Kris’s every breath. They’ve found friends here, found purpose and faith and victory untainted by hurt feelings, but Kris can’t shake the fear. They’re playing nice, and they _want_ to play nice, but if the SOUL chooses, on a whim, to FIGHT instead of ACT…

Could Kris stop it? They’re not sure. They couldn’t stop from hugging Ralsei, which was its own brand of torture, because Kris hates hugs and hates being forced to enact them, but the look on Ralsei’s face afterward had been a special kind of hit to the gut. They couldn’t stop from buying gross jelly treats over chocolate, or from putting on the ribbon instead of giving it to Ralsei like they’d wanted, or a whole host of other small choices that makes Kris shake every time they fail. But at the same time—kneeling to save Lancer. Guarding Susie. Stepping away from the entrance to the Dark World when that closet door first opened, because even the SOUL’s curiosity couldn’t override Kris’s screaming fight or flight. 

So many questions, so many uncertainties: so many things to lose. Control, friends, the meaning of being a hero, and whether Kris has a claim to any of it. Questions are all the Dark World has ever given Kris. Questions, fear, and the lingering taste of dust.

So when Ralsei turns to Kris with a bright smile and brighter words— “Isn’t the Dark World just wonderful?”—Kris thinks back to that first moment, choking on dust and fear, that rising horror that felt too true to be imaginary, and doesn’t really know what to say.

 _It’s too familiar,_ they want to say, or maybe: _It reminds me of my nightmares,_ or even— _I woke up thinking everyone I knew was gone and I can’t figure out why._

 _There’s echoes,_ Kris could say. _There’s too many echoes and I’m not in control._

“It’s nice,” they say instead, with the smile that Ralsei deserves, and wonder, in the back of their mind, why it feels as if they’ve done this all before.

**Author's Note:**

> [If you wanna rec this fic, you can reblog it here!!](https://izaswritings.tumblr.com/post/186129760717/title-and-if-you-close-your-eyes-it-almost-like) Also, if you have any questions or just want to talk, [my tumblr](http://izaswritings.tumblr.com) is always open!!
> 
> Any thoughts?


End file.
